Women- True Choice?

I've always struggled with this polarization of women within our society. Why do we insist on defining ourselves in opposition to others? I mean, I understand that a certain amount of that is normal, we all understand ourselves in terms of what we are not, to some degree. But why have we, as women, become so focused on this as a part of our identity? I mean, I used to think the problem with our society was that we were all too heavily reliant on our careers to define who we are. While I still see that as a HUGE issue in our social structure today, I wonder if maybe our focus on what we are not (Kenneth Burke would roll over if he knew the way in which I am butchering his concept), is what causes us to really struggle with supporting one another. Or, at least it's a big factor in this. I don't know. You can look at this from an academic standpoint, and I intend to do that. But, from a personal experience perspective, I find it really frustrating when I hear comments that women make about one another. It's really sad. You hear on shows like Oprah and other such "empowering" venues that we all love and support each other, basically, and we are all so in tune with one another. We're the relational experts, we know how to have good friends. And we do. But we don't seem to know how to be content with who we are, the choices we make and be supportive of the choices others make and who they are. Why?

Is this our fault? Or are we set up that way in society? Are social expectations of us in our various roles too contradictory? Some research suggests that this is so. In fact, my thesis alludes to this. It was one of the more interesting data points in my study. It really seems that we are in a situation where we need to cut one part of who we are and what we need to do in order to excel at another part. So, how do we handle this? Alone, we cut others down for making different choices. Alone, we struggle with what is acceptable and oftentimes part of legitimating where we come out in that struggle is putting down where another woman comes out, IF its different from where we are. It seems like we should know better. It seems like with all that we learned about organizing for social change under the feminist movement, and the power of pulling together, we'd be able to affect real social change where we are not having to cut each other down and we have true choice.

For instance, the stay at home mom/working mom polarization. It is truly sad the way in which I've heard women talk to each other or about each other in this debate. The fact that it is a debate tells me we have so much more work to do. We do not have real choice. When you stay at home, many women (and I know, men are another whole aspect to this issue, but I am talking about women here), will put you down as lazy or not wanting to work or not motivated, passionate, willing or able to contribute, among other things. When you work, many times women who are at home actually accuse you of not loving your kids enough, not prioritizing your kids in your life, being too mony hungry, materialistic, among other things. I've heard really hurtful comments made on both ends of this "debate" (which I hate to frame it is, as it sets up and actually perpetuates this polarization), and it saddens and angers me. I've actually heard one Mom who is at home chastise working Moms and then, in a later conversation, wonder why we as women judge one another. We don't even recognize this when we do it.

So, how do we change this? What about society needs to change? What about us needs to change? More to come later...Ava's crying and the kids are restless...time to re-enter my day...